Pumpkin OM & scary MT face

Can you see the scary face...?

It lives at the terraces at Mammoth Hot Springs in Yellowstone Park.

Happy Halloween from this Montana Cowgirl Yogini! OM.

Cowgirls vs. Cancer 2011: Tanya's story

October is breast cancer awareness month, and we're now accepting nominations for our 2012 Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship program (until November 10, so there's still time!). Cowgirls vs. Cancer is healing with horses and yoga for breast cancer survivors, and next year will be its third. Also this month, I'll be sharing stories from our four 2011 recipients, about their Cowgirl Yoga experience with us this summer. Here's Tanya's story. Yeehaw & Namaste.

Yoga and horses can fix anything. They're kind of like duct tape and hay string.

- Facebook post by Tanya (pictured above with Tres)

Even though I have been riding for around 15 years, and have practiced yoga for close to 4, I will still admit to being nervous about making the trip to Montana for Cowgirl Yoga. The thought of riding out in the wide open, over mountain trails on an unknown horse is a far cry from riding in a groomed 20x60 meter arena, or a short hack on a close by trail with a horse of my own. Yoga is also an area of my life that I am passionate about, and had become somewhat set into my ways. My friend Diane, who is a past Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship recipient (and bona fide cancer butt kicker) assured me that it would be the experience of a lifetime. She would be returning to Montana for this retreat, along with other inspiring friends including Susanna, who had just the previous year completed a half Iron Man. How could I chicken out with women like these along for the ride?

Soon after arriving, I realized that I NEEDED to be there. Janice has such an amazing way with the horses, and I learned so much from her that changed the way I view my own horses and riding. Ron’s calming influence helped keep me at ease as I learned completely new ways of doing simple things that I had long taken for granted. Western tack is a whole new ballgame!

After the first day’s ride, I was sore and tight from being nervous throughout the day. The yoga definitely helped balance this out, and Margaret gave me a new way of thinking as she explained to let each pose flow, rather than attacking or “making” them happen. I started to practice yoga shortly after completion of my cancer treatment, and came to think of it as physical therapy and a way to stay in shape. And though yoga is both of these, it is also something much deeper, and having Margaret’s perspective on allowing flow has changed my practice in a permanent way for the better. I also kept this thought in mind on the following day’s ride, and as my nervousness melted away I was able to enjoy every moment of the long and amazing ride though the most stunning scenery I have ever seen.

It was a whirlwind few days, and also a life changing experience that I will never forget. Memories with amazing friends, plus a new perspective on life. The pink mat from Jade Yoga has been with me for my every yoga practice since returning home, and the pink cowgirl hat from Athleta has a permanent spot on the bed post above my head. It is a great way to end and begin each day with a reminder of my time in Montana! Yeehaw & Namaste.

Just breathe - the ultimate yoga cliché

I had someone once tell me that she hated it when yoga teachers say, "just breathe". It's like the ultimate yoga cliché - you go to class and the teacher is constantly reminding you to breathe. Like you would forget or something, right? OK but seriously: how many times have you found yourself in said yoga class, holding it?! I've been thinking about this a lot lately, because I've been guilty. Years of yoga, both teaching and practicing, and there I am, losing my connection with the breath, front and center on my mat. Jeesh.

Cue this song, appropriately called Just Breathe. (as I mentioned - I've left the 90s behind with my music technology!)

Personally, I think we need to be reminded to just breathe, on a daily basis. We're working against evolution here - our flight or fight response triggers a shortening of breath. So anytime we're feeling challenged or stressed, we're not breathing deeply. Sometimes we're not breathing at all. I think that justifies the ongoing reminder. And truly, my yoga practice is responsible for helping me appreciate the power of my breath, so that I won't take it for granted. It may be a natural thing to breathe, but it's definitely a practice to cultivate strong, powerful breath. Like asana, we have to work at it. With intention. With reminders.

Sometimes it's the simple things that we lose touch with - in this case, our most basic life force. So if you're in my yoga class and I tell you to breathe, sorry for the cliché.

Cowgirls vs. Cancer 2011: Kelly's story

October is breast cancer awareness month, and we're now accepting nominations for our 2012 Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship program. Cowgirls vs. Cancer is healing with horses and yoga for breast cancer survivors, and next year will be its third. Also this month, I'll be sharing stories from our four 2011 recipients, about their Cowgirl Yoga experience with us this summer. Here's Kelly's story. Yeehaw & Namaste.

I’m wearing my pink Athleta cowgirl hat, channeling a ride in the Bridger Mountains as I write this.

We’re winding through the pines of a mountain forest, a line of women and horses. The smell of the pine, carried on a soft breeze, is intoxicating. I can feel the warmth of my horse, Dillon, beneath me and the sun above me. I hear the sounds of the leather saddle squeaking and the birds trilling, the laughter and low murmurs of my fellow riders and I am happy, completely happy.

I recall turning to Margaret and saying that this moment would become my “happy place”, envisioning it for years to come. She replied, “Just wait, there’s more.” And there was more, so much more.

The Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship was a huge blessing in the midst of a challenging time. There is not enough praise or gratitude enough to thank the Cowgirl Yoga team and those who support it. Although my chemotherapy and radiation treatments had ended months before, I still felt like I was holding my breath. Cowgirl Yoga released that breath, and I breathed deeply of calm and confidence.

Confidence returned to my body and mind, as I moved from timid and rigid in the saddle to synching with Dillon’s stride (and what a good and patient horse he was with me!), so that I could finish my week with a gentle gallop up Yeehaw Hill. The yoga classes reminded me of how amazing the human body is as I felt its every muscle and nerve, the air through my lungs, the silent place in my mind - and I thanked it for its service .

For the first time in over a year, I slept straight through the night, no hours of tossing around, no anxious moments. The days of fantastic food, beautiful weather and amazing women were a balm for my soul.

I was especially grateful to be with such a special group of people, yoga lovers, horse lovers, adventure lovers, lovers of laughter, my best friend, Becky, who nominated me and joined me at the retreat, and fellow cancer thriver, Su. I felt at ease, joyful, silly, comforted, relaxed and full. There was no room for worry or what-if’s because I was so completely full…stuffed, in fact, with positive, healthy, happy emotions.

That ride up the mountain is still my “happy place”. When I let the busy-ness of life avert my attention from its real purpose and meaning, when I forget how blessed I am to be here, when I feel like I’m at the end of my rope, I close my eyes and breathe in the pine.

Yeehaw & Namaste.

Photo of Kelly and Dillon by Larry Stanley

October Friday faves

I think I finally slowed down this week. I'll admit, some of it was by necessity...I've been sick and lost my voice (still am croaking vs. talking)...which I decided must mean that it's my turn to listen instead of talk for a bit. Although I've been irritated by the lack of my usual energy, I've noticed that I'm losing that jumpy feeling. I'm appreciating more time and space in my life right now, and savoring some blessings I might not have lingered on during my busy season. Here are a few of my fave October things:

• My horse. yeah I know, you've heard it before, but the blanket of soothing energy he wraps me in never ceases to amaze me. When I touch him I feel anxiety leave my body. When I ride him I forget whatever I was obsessing about, at least for awhile. And I love that knowing look he gives me, like, what's with you now? forget about it and just hang with me.
• Lessons from little ones. It's hard not to get excited about Halloween and pumpkins when there's a 6 year old in the house. My daughter and I gleefully went over our plans for baking some October-inspired treats this weekend, and it would be hard not to catch her enthusiasm. I also had an unplanned riding lesson from a young girl who rode with me today...she seemed to sense that I needed some nurturing. Sometimes it's really nice to not always have to be the grown-up.
• The Power of Myth. Myths haunt this time of year...and this darn book has been haunting me for a long, long time. I keep starting it and stopping. I've committed to reading it through, so maybe I'll have to hold myself to that by promising a book review here. So it requires a bit more concentration than a vampire read, but I'm up for it. And when something Joseph Campbell said clicks with you, it's a beautiful, inspiring thing.
• Viparita Karani. Thank God for legs-up-the-wall. It's been my yoga prescription all week...I self-medicate, in a good way. This pose is perfect when you need your yoga moves to be on the slower side.

Happy Friday.

desperately seeking yoga high

Not feeling well makes me feel ungrounded; it's like adding insult to injury. I know I should accept the need for rest and a slower pace, but what really ends up happening is I feel like a caged animal, wanting to do things and wasting energy getting annoyed that I'm not really up for much. I can't even settle in with a good book - I have this big list of books I feel I *should* be reading. What's up with this never ending sense of obligation? Can't I just read a book for pleasure? Good question.

Truth is, I've been a bit jumpy lately. Retreat season is over, and despite the fact that I was looking forward to downshifting to a slower gear, it's not always an easy transition. At least I'm noticing that I seem to be chasing my tail a little too much...and trust that I will settle down here soon. Do more yoga, you say? I'm working on it. I've had trouble settling into my post-retreat season practice. I miss Jivamukti London; when you get that spoiled, it's hard to get anything else to measure up. It's not that I don't have access to great yoga - I do. I just can't settle in (do you sense the recurring theme here?!). I've been trying out some new classes, plowing through some of my former fave home practices, I even did the Ashtanga primary series for the first time in forever. It all feels great - I mean, it's yoga - but I'm missing that big, contented in-the-moment afterglow that's so damn addicting once you get a taste of it. I'm in search of that pure yoga high, because I know it's out there, so why settle for less?

I think that with a yoga practice, as with life, we need to establish a solid foundation that we can draw from at all times. There are so many yoga styles, teachers, classes to choose from - which is wonderful, because it means that every yogi can find a good fit. And I've always believed that you shouldn't be a slave to one style, teacher, or class...yoga variety is a good thing. But, when you find one that gives you that feeling, that healthy addicting yoga high, you need to tune into that too.

The other day, as I went to put on one of my tried-and-true audio practices (without great enthusiasm), the cd got stuck. (Please note that I am in the dark ages and still use cds.) I took this to be a sign, and finally broke out of the feeling-sorry-for-my-yoga-self rut (and 90s technology) and downloaded a Jiva podcast one of my London teachers had recommended. And then, everything else went away...except for the nagging thought that it took me waaay too long to do that. I've found my fix.

Now if I could just curl up in bed with one book only...

Cowgirls vs. Cancer 2011: Pam's story

October is breast cancer awareness month, and we're now accepting nominations for our 2012 Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship program. Cowgirls vs. Cancer is healing with horses and yoga for breast cancer survivors, and next year will be its third. Also this month, I'll be sharing stories from our four 2011 recipients, about their Cowgirl Yoga experience with us this summer. Here's Pam's story. Yeehaw & Namaste.

It's been a few weeks and I'm still processing my LUXE Cowgirl Yoga experience at the fabulous Double T River Ranch. I was the recipient of a Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship (thank you, thank you, thank you to all the cowgirls who bought t-shirts to support the cause!) and the retreat was healing in a way that is difficult to describe. A fabulous group of cowgirls to hang out with, a cozy cabin by the river (with bald eagle as neighbor), delicious and healthy meals, beautiful surroundings (including a yoga studio to die for) and ….horses, horses, horses! If I'm lucky, I'll never finish 'processing' it, and it will be with me forever!

Certain asanas are linked with horses for me now - we practiced them on horseback to stretch tense and tired muscles and improve our balance. And my yoga practice has been reinvigorated. Although I've been practicing for several years, since my surgery I have been afraid to keep growing or to push myself at all. Margaret took the mystery (and, yes, fear) out of vinyasa flow and taught me a series of alternatives beyond just resting in child’s pose when challenged – and now I’m eager to explore a bit and try some new things. I am also fired up after spending several days in a row in the company of horses, learning from Janice and her team. Life is too short to live without horses! Somehow I will find a way to recapture that joy and spend more time with them. After all, there are two parts to being a cowgirl yogini, right?

Yeehaw & Namaste.

Pictured: Pam & Picasso, by Larry Stanley

I ❤ bugling elk

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower. -Albert Camus

We got our first big snow in the mountains the end of last week - yay! Fall has settled in, and in Bozeman that means we're surrounded by mountains that look like they've been dusted with powdered sugar. Inspired by the amazing autumn we've been enjoying, I packed the fam up for an impromptu Yellowstone Park visit last weekend. I decided that we needed to take more advantage of having a place like Yellowstone right next door, so we're committing to go at least once a season (already signed up for the Old Faithful Snow Lodge this winter!). I find a sense of renewal with the changing of the seasons...and what better place to seek further inspiration than our country's first national park? It's a place to really soak up and appreciate nature's seasonal rhythm. In the fall, the leaves are changing (the primary color in YS is yellow, from cottonwood and aspen trees), the snow starts to fall and dust higher elevations with its magical white...and best of all, the elk are bugling. I am mesmerized by this phenomenon, and it makes me smile and giggle and marvel at the wonder of being able to witness how the seasonal change affects this majestic animal.

What is an elk bugle? It actually includes a variety of sounds: grunts, popping, whistling, deep moans. Why does a male elk bugle? Apparently there's some debate about this in the scientific community; some say it is to blow off steam from the stress of mating season. The majority vote is that it's a challenge to other bulls, saying "I am ELK, hear me roar" - as in the biggest, the best, the strongest. We visited Mammoth Hot Springs in north YS, home to the largest elk herd in the park (almost 10K)...and these elk just do not care that there are people all over, so we got front row seats for the bugling, the rutting, and everything in between. The best was watching the local dominant elk boy try and run his women around. I wanted to cheer, "run girls, show him who's really boss!", but I didn't.

Other highlights included hiking to some funky rock formations called The Hoodoos, visiting the Mammoth Terraces (thermal features), and soaking in the Boiling River - a hot spring that has the largest discharge of thermal water in YS. If you're interested in the seasons of Yellowstone, I highly recommend a series of photography books by Tom Murphy. Start with The Comfort of Autumn. I'll be chronicling my family's future YS visits here, so stay tuned.

Cowgirls vs. Cancer 2011: Su's story

October is breast cancer awareness month, and we're now accepting nominations for our 2012 Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship program. Cowgirls vs. Cancer is healing with horses and yoga for breast cancer survivors, and next year will be its third. Also this month, I'll be sharing stories from our four 2011 recipients, about their Cowgirl Yoga experience with us this summer. To kick things off, here's Su's story. Yeehaw & Namaste.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2010, everyone told me that there was always a silver lining and it would help me appreciate life, blah blah blah. But I couldn’t seem to find that silver lining as the doctors told me bad news every day, with every test, every scan. You have triple negative breast cancer, the type that is most hard to kill and that re-occurs the most… you have stage III-C, just a tiny step away from metastatic cancer…grade 3, the most aggressive form…when my mom started crying sitting next to me as the bright red kool-aid colored chemo moved into my body, and the nurses told me to hold still because if it accidentally leaked out of the IV and onto my skin, it would burn it so bad I would need a skin graph…as my hair fell out in unimaginable clumps leaving me looking like a baby chicken and sobbing in my friend’s arms...and my dad called crying, asking me if I was suffering too much and I reassured him over and over that I was just fine, it wasn’t too bad…I thought: what lessons could I be learning? Where is this silver f'in lining they keep talking about?

Then in the most humbling way, I started to feel supported. And loved. In a way that I had never been before. In an ACTIVE way, I felt actively, tangibly loved. My friends became like family. And my family? They became my friends. People gave to me. In flowers, and gift cards, and deliveries of apples (the only thing I craved), but mostly, in time and beautiful words and kindness. And as my friends came over almost every night with ice cream and whatever I could eat, and they tried on my wigs with me, and cried with me, and watched me while I slept…I started to feel the beginning of hope, and the transformation of my life.

When I found out I had won a scholarship for the Cowgirl Yoga retreat in Montana, I couldn’t believe it. I never win anything! It’s something I never would have been able to afford to attend. And when I stepped foot into the studio for our first yoga session, with the light gently coming in through the windows, and the amazing sky as picturesque as can be, and Margaret handed me my pink yoga mat (for me to keep!!), I felt gratitude wash over me.

Whispering in my horse Bridger’s ear about the bigness in my heart, and watching the laugh lines around wrangler Janice’s eyes as she hooked her fingers into her jeans and tipped her cowboy hat back…laughing and giggling like children with the beautiful women in my group…learning to trust in my body again as I pushed and pulled and nurtured it…and going head to head with Ron in hula hooping as Mike the dog lazily watched from the porch…I felt joy. I borrowed from the strength of Bridger’s long muscles and confident strides, until I could claim them as my own. I gathered the laughs and pure fun and used them to feed my soul. And the light that just plain happened from the genuine kindness and love of what they do helped clear the way for me, to see that silver f’in lining in the clouds.

Pictured above: Su with Bridger, by Larry Stanley

Words to live by

‎You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

-Steve Jobs

Thank you Steve Jobs, for your creative genius and for being a visionary in my lifetime...rest in peace.