She calls me 'mummy' now

You might have noticed that I am very attached to my 5 year old daughter, who has lately taken to calling me 'mummy', and to using words like 'brilliant' and 'loo' . I never thought I wanted kids, but then she came along and rocked my world 5.5 years ago, causing me to feel love like I had never felt before. The kind that takes your breath away. I could go on and on with the cliches about motherhood, but I won't. She has been my inspiration, my guru, my pure true love. On a daily basis, she helps me see the extraordinary in the ordinary.

That said, I don't have any guilt that I am very much enjoying my days to myself, while she is in school. Not just half a day like before, but aaallllll day. When we were preparing to move to London, every school we inquired at told us there was no space available, particularly just for 6 months. I prepared myself to use London as the classroom and home-school her. During the month of December, when we were together 24/7 searching for a flat, moving, and when I was sick, I realized that maybe being together all the time wasn't so good for us. Remember back in high school/college, when you passionately pined away for your boyfriend? School, and perhaps your parents, didn't allow for you to be together all the time. Hence the pining. I've decided there is definitely something to that old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I'm not going to say that I don't miss her, or that I've been able to let go of the neurotic worries that pop into my head out of nowhere when she is in someone else's care (i.e., what if she chokes on her banana I sent for snack?). But while she is at school, she thrives. Let me say that again: she THRIVES. It is better than we ever anticipated; she is happy as a clam every morning when I drop her off, and can't wait to tell me all about her day when I pick her up. While she is at school, I thrive. I go to yoga class, I write and work, I plan our London adventures. I have time and space and quiet, without the constant distraction of wondering: what is she doing/is it good for her/is it causing any damage. When we spend the evenings and weekends together, the fact that we are thriving in ways unique to our age groups enhances the way we relate. It's like we learn our dance moves all day and then come together for a perfect waltz, without stepping on each other's toes. It's absolutely, positively lovely.

Cheers to the journey of motherhood: the mundane and marvelous places it takes you, and everywhere in between.

Come away from the wall, please

I can do perfect headstands and forearm balances. At the wall. The funny thing is, I never even touch the wall, nor am I right up against it. It's my inversion security blanket that I just can't seem to ditch. In Jivamukti classes, we often do both sirsasana and pincha mayurasana, and I slink over to my wall space hoping the teacher won't yell at me. It's the same sort of embarrassment as when you're younger, and you realize that your blankie is sort of a baby thing, but no way are you getting rid of it.

Of course I've had my shining moments where I've been able to do these poses away from the wall. But they aren't comfortable. I feel the emptiness around me, the lack of support just in case something happens. Well, yeah, 'just in case' we would always prefer to have a back up, right? I sense that distinct possibility that I could just tumble over into that emptiness and - gasp - hurt myself. I've struggled with this for years. The poses have evolved and advanced, but my mindset has stayed the same. Oops.

It doesn't take a therapy session to draw a parallel to my life. I thrive with structure and support. Spontaneity, for the most part, scares me. I need to plan, and I excel at it. (Hopefully someone out there who knows me can attest to the fact that I can be fun. Really!) When we came over to London, the only certainty we had was that husband was going to be super duper busy. We knew we'd have a place to live, but we didn't know where. We hoped our 5 year old would be able to have the amazing opportunity to go to school here, but the chances appeared slim. I was on shaky ground with all these unknowns (read: lack of "wall"). But like yoga poses, every day things evolved and now here we are, feeling as grounded and supported as we can possibly be as ex-pats. And having a fabulous time with it all, I might add.

Sometimes when we come away from the wall, we might fall, but we also might conquer some of our fears and bust out the most gorgeous yoga pose (or outcome) ever. Find small ways to move away from the walls in your life and see how you bloom.

Btw, I had someone spot me while coming up into pincha mayurasana before this picture was taken by Larry Stanley.

Cowgirl Yoga, Dude Ranch style

While I want to savor every moment of being an American Cowgirl in London, I'm also getting pretty excited about the upcoming summer. I return just in time to kick off of our Cowgirl Yoga season in early June. From now through March 15, we're offering an early cowgirl discount of 10% off the 5-day and LUXE CY retreats, so what are you waiting for, go ahead and sign up!

I'm also thrilled to share that I will be teaching yoga at Red Rock Ranch in Wyoming (pictured above) during their June 26-July 2 Spa/Fitness week. It's a week of yoga and riding, hiking, spa treatments, running clinics and healthy, but hearty Western food. So join me for Cowgirl Yoga, Dude Ranch style - contact Red Rock directly to sign up.

Hope to see you this summer in MT or WY, in the saddle and on the mat! Yeehaw and Namaste.

Yoga Second Chances

I'm experiencing an intense period of "refurbishment", as they say over here. We've got the routine going on now, and while 5 year old is at school (I swear she is already speaking with a British lilt to her voice - so odd to hear) I am at yoga class, between 4-5 times a week. It's an intense practice to be doing that often, but that's sort of the point...I am intrigued to have this opportunity to see what changes it brings about. Today on the mat, I happily had this thought: I am getting my butt handed to me by this practice, in the best possible way.

The Monday morning class has a bad ass for an instructor. Her soundtrack includes Morrissey (when, I ask you, have you ever heard Morrissey in a yoga class?!), Ofra Haza, Prince, and Dead Can Dance. She's challenging. I went yesterday with a bit of trepidation, as the Monday before I tweaked my back in her class. (I've got a history of back trouble, which is one of the many reasons I do yoga.) I know how it happened, I was overenthusiastic and went too quickly from intense backbend to forward bend. Been there, done that, lesson apparently not learned yet. So yesterday, I was very tuned in to staying aligned, keeping uddiyana bandha in check, all that. I'll be damned if I am going to mess up this London experience with a back episode! And I realized, we were doing the exact same practice as last week (to the same soundtrack, hooray). Savvy Cowgirl Yoga blog readers may remember this exact same thing happened to me at Jivamukti NYC last fall. And I immediately thought: this is my second chance. When we came to the part where I tweaked my back, I modified and backed off. I was grateful for the opportunity to do it again mindfully.

I was thinking more about this...the practice of yoga offers many second chances. And third and fourth and so on. There is always another opportunity to do that pose, to be more mindful, to expand your yoga repertoire. Even the exact same practice can be a completely different experience one week later. It's amazing, if you ask me. Every time you come to the mat is another chance to grow. Even if it's the same teacher, same soundtrack, same poses. And quite possibly, you are being presented with that second chance for a reason; I know I was. Namaste.

I love this picture of me preparing for virasana, by my friend Larry Stanley. We spend a lot of time in virasana at Jivamukti.

Foodie Friday in London

This week, I paid a visit to a place that I walk by pretty much every day. And somehow, amazingly, hadn't been in yet; so I made up for that and went twice. Theobroma is billed as a "chocolate lounge" (I know, I know, why would I wait so long to go in a chocolate lounge?), with 10 flavors of hot chocolate. I fully intend to sample them all. So far, I've had the ginger and rose hot chocolates - but I may not make it past the rose. It was hard not to make an audible sound of pleasure upon the first sip of that. They also give you a complimentary chocolate with your hot chocolate. That's a lot of chocolate, so I save mine for later...and so far, can't make it beyond the out-of-this-world champagne truffle. They have gorgeous confections in fun shapes and sizes, including animals: I've gotten a pig and a dolphin for 5 year old, and it will be hard to resist the rest. But most of all, I think I may want this leopard skin chocolate stiletto for my upcoming birthday.

And speaking of food porn, I went to the Borough Market today with a foodie blogger friend, who was also one of my very first yoga students and now lives in London. My trusty London guidebook informs me that there has been a market in Borough since Roman times, and I definitely felt (tasted?) the centuries-old good food vibes. Yum. Happy friday, hope you can make it a foodie one too.

Mind, Body, Sting.

I'm afraid I can't take credit for this title. It was an article about Sting in the Delta Sky magazine that I took from the plane to London. Of course it touches upon Sting being a yogi (and even mentions his infamous comment on tantric yoga way back in the 90s, snicker snicker). I like Sting; like Madonna, his music has been there for a good part of the ride that's been my life. Synchronicity = 7th grade, "Every Breath you Take" at junior high slow dance, the best concert I ever went to in high school, etc.

Sting does a lot of yoga with Jivamukti founders David Life and Sharon Gannon, and he wrote the forward to their book, which I often recommend (reminder that I am filling up my yoga cup here at the Jivamukti London Centre). Here's what Sting has to say about yoga, in the Delta Mag article: I've studied yoga for 22 years...And what I've learned in that time is that the problem the body has is one of conditioning. The reason that we talk ourselves into being inflexible or stiff is a conditioning of the mind. We tell ourselves that. It's the mind that's controlling everything. Yoga is really about deconditioning the mind, getting the mind to surrender, so that the body can achieve its fullest potential and movement. I was a little disappointed that he didn't work in a quote about pranayama that included every breath you take, but oh well.

On our walking tour the other day, our guide showed us where Sting lives in London, and assured us that he probably wasn't at home since he has about seven other places elsewhere. Which kept us all from ringing the doorbell. Here is my 5 year old on Sting's front porch.

London Eye Candy...

...including the London Eye. Can't believe it's taken me this long to post something like this, but as you may already know...living somewhere people go on vacation isn't quite the same as going there on vacation. It's taken some time to get settled and get jazzed about sightseeing. After school started last week (more musings on that soon), after finally feeling myself again after holiday illness, and after establishing my yoga routine, I'm pouring over the guidebooks to make our London master plan. Six months, which on the front end seemed like an eternity, now seems as though it will go by in the blink of, well, an eye.

I have two new London loves:

• London walks, a genius way to see the biggies, and more. For example, we did our first one yesterday to take in the main sights and get oriented, and in transit walked by Sting's London home (more on him this week too). Secretly that may have been my fave thing on the tour. They even offer a James Bond walk - 007 and Ian Fleming's London, the 'shaken not stirred' pub walk - sign me up for that one. Maybe we could pass by where Daniel Craig lives??
• The British Museum, where I plan to spend lots of time. Took 5 year old for the first time today, specifically to see the Egyptian mummies. There is some serious eye candy from antiquity in this place, oodles of guided tours, children's activities...and just soaking up that museum vibe makes me feel more sophisticated, even with a 5 year old by my side.

Pictured: London Bridge, London Eye, Westminster Abbey (west entrance, where Prince William and Kate Middleton will enter for their wedding), St. James Park and last but not least, Shiva at the Indian place we hit for dinner. Enjoy. Will continue with interesting London photos weekly.

New beginnings - Jai Ganesha!

First new moon of the new year (and a solar eclipse); a new moon brings lots of new possibilities. First day of school for my 5 year old in London, and her first time wearing a uniform (super exciting)! First day of my first unlimited monthly pass at Jivamukti London. First time the sun's been out so far this year (I think), shining on my yoga mat. First time I've done kabalbhati in purvottanasana - better than a latte to wake you up. Chanting to Ganesh, the god of new beginnings.

Make some plans on this new moon day, and start something good with its energy.

Jai Ganesha!

New Year's Wishes

I must do it, even though I realize that many consider New Year's Resolutions to be crap. But I say, why not take advantage of any opportunity to re-evaluate and improve? And this has been quite an unusual New Year for me, kicking off 2011 in London...which has had me mulling over what I want to do better this year. Something about new country, new year. So let's call them wishes, vs. resolutions. And have them be words to try and live by, vs. things to beat myself up over later when I don't do them. And perhaps if you read this blog, they may resonate for you too, since I'd bet we share similar interests. Here goes:

• Deepen my yoga practice. As I've always said, yoga is one of the few things in life that I seem to be able to accept as a journey, one which never ends or gets mastered or checked off the to-do list. That is the beauty of it. There is endless opportunity to deepen your yoga journey, and that thought was what carried me through the darker days of getting settled here, far away from home. Tomorrow is my American little girl's first day of London school, and while I love her dearly, you may hear me all the way in the US as I whoop with joy and hop on the tube to head to yoga class, sans guilt. So I won't be skiing in Montana this winter, I won't have my regular routine or be teaching classes, and I am going to take advantage of the space that creates to deepen my own practice. Everyone wins: me and my well-being, my family, those around me, and when I return to teaching, my students.
• Deepen my meditation practice. I'll admit: meditation has never really turned me on. I am not one to sit still well. But I recognize it as part of the practice that I need to deepen. And something is calling me to it right now, so I plan to heed that call. I discovered that one of the largest Buddhist centers in London is 4 blocks from my flat. Is that a sign, or what? They offer weekly Vipassana meditation instruction and practice. I need this. Now.
• Be here. Now. To borrow the simple yet powerful words of Ram Dass...and to borrow the words of my friend who thinks so much like me it is frightening: In this coming year I am going to be continuing to work on letting go of my personal constant paranoia that whatever it is I am NOT doing must somehow be far superior of an experience than what I AM doing...Maybe all those regrets about decisions made badly were not so - maybe I am where I need to be and doing what I need to be doing. I promise to stop checking the ski report for Big Sky...and just be here, in London, now. But truly, these words to live by can be applied often and anywhere.
• Fire up my inner cowgirl yogini. This is my life, my work, my identity. So I need to fire it up, not just in myself, but in others. It's the balance of adding a little Yeehaw to my Namaste. It's playing with my edge, and knowing when to pull back too. And like yoga, it's a never ending process.

Tell me your 2011 wishes...

Happy 1/1/11!

Wishing you a very happy and healthy 2011 from the Cowgirl Yogini in London, and the CY herd in Bozeman (pictured). Resolve to fire up your inner cowgirl yogini this year, and add a little yeehaw to your Namaste.

I am.